By Grace Hui for Incentre
As a lightworker or healer, guided by empathy and a desire to make the world a better place for all sentient life, we can sometimes subconsciously fall into the trap of thinking that we have to be “perfect”. Of course, we consciously understand that nobody is perfect and the spiritual path is a continuous journey to bring more light into our being.
But, do we sometimes forget that?
Often, it is in times of struggle, upheaval and even turmoil that our cracks are exposed and it is through those cracks unearthed in trauma that the light enters, illuminating our shadows.
Without the cracks, how does light enter?
Darkness can only be vanquished by turning on the light. But, how do we know we need to turn on the light unless we first perceive that there is darkness?
The path of the wounded healer
At times, the judgement of society might make us feel that we always have to project an image of unending acts of kindness, a constant smile and unwavering patience in order to be viewed as a healer. We may fear that if we showed our “failings”, that people would not come to us for healing. We may, in our desire to help others, forget to also serve ourselves which could, in turn, lead to repression and resentment. The negative ego seeps in and we start to develop “saviour-complex” and martyrdom - if I don’t do it, who will?
However, if we do not take time out to nurture ourselves or to check in with our own intentions with honesty, are we leading from the heart or are we putting on a show?
Past a certain point, are we serving from the purity of our hearts or are we performing acts of service as a result of feeling pressured to because we are supposed to be lightworkers?
Most of us wish to be the best versions of ourselves. We are inherently good and we wish to serve the sentient beings among us. However, in this quest to be “good”, we sometimes forget that “good” and “bad” are both sides of the same coin. We cannot be “good” without first being aware that we can also be “bad”. Being unwilling to recognise this leads to the path of the wounded healer where our inability to heal ourselves leads to a projection of the unhealed parts of ourselves onto the very society we are hoping to heal.
To heal others, we first have to heal ourselves and how can we heal ourselves if we are running away from so-called the “bad parts” of ourselves?
Progression and healing are a constant part of the evolution of humanity. To heal the collective, we first have to heal ourselves as individuals and that is an ongoing process. In other words, the more we wish to contribute to the healing of the collective, the more we need to unearth the parts of ourselves that need to be healed. So, every time, we feel a trigger coming up, or a bad thought coming up, don’t run away from it.
If we have done something out of anger, frustration or any other emotions that we consider negative, don’t beat ourselves up about it and torture ourselves with our guilt and imperfections. Let’s face it - NOBODY IS PERFECT. If we were, we wouldn’t be going through this experience called life. We are here to learn and progress. Every time one does something “wrong”, acknowledge it, learn from it and above all, see it for what it is - an opportunity to let more light in.
After all, the more light there is, the greater the chance of clarity and with greater clarity comes greater wisdom and mastery.
All cracks are an opportunity to let more light in - this is the only way to heal without becoming a wounded healer.
What is a wounded healer?
Do we sometimes get overwhelmed by the degree of need that seems to surround us? Do we get sucked into the drama of need? Are we empowering the people we are seeking to help? Or, are we enabling their destructive behaviours because we have lost sight of our own boundaries?
We often think of boundaries as protective bubbles for ourselves to prevent others from encroaching. However, boundaries go both ways! While we don’t want others to encroach on our boundaries, we must also be mindful not to step over someone else’s. In other words, we must not rob someone else of their journey or path in our desire to help.
Sometimes, when there is an imbalance of power, the lines between what is yours and what is mine can become murky and this is the space where we need to constantly shine a light on.
A wounded healer may be one that is projecting his or her own blurred boundaries into a situation. This can mean that both the “healer” and the person that is supposed to be healed have both deviated from their paths and their lessons causing confusion and drama for both.
True healing is meant to be empowering. If a person becomes dependent on us because of blurred lines, this could be a reflection of our own negative ego which holds the other back. Do we need them to need us so that we can feel like healers?
I believe that all lightworkers would have come across this quandary at some point. It doesn’t make us “bad” people. It just reveals to us where we need healing and if we don’t honestly check ourselves, we end up not only impeding someone else’s progress, we end up holding ourselves back from our own progression.
Serving with the purity of heart and intention
Sometimes, the idea of “heart” gets confused with “feelings”. The two are in fact very different. Feelings ebb and flow while a pure heart is constant.
Another thing that is often misunderstood is that someone with a pure heart cannot make mistakes! That is simply not true. Often, it is those with the purity of the heart that is not afraid to make mistakes and be honest about them. It is only when we free ourselves from the prison of perceived perfection can we truly lead by example.
After all, how can we have clear boundaries if we don’t truly know ourselves? And, how can we truly know ourselves if we don’t allow ourselves to make mistakes and learn from them?
As the saying goes: “hurt people hurt others”.
As a lightworker, it is important to remember that as we heal ourselves, we heal others too.
Healers also need healing
Sometimes, healers and lightworkers may get into a loop believing that if they are entrusted to heal others, that they must be at a perfect stage in life. But, is this really possible or even sustainable? To ask ourselves a further question, can we really help others heal if we cannot recognise our own need for healing and to heal ourselves?
There is no shame in falling apart or making mistakes. Most healers are healers precisely because they have gone through trauma themselves and wish to help others who are suffering. So, if it is your experience of your past traumas that led to your desire to serve, why run away from other traumas you may face? Perhaps, these new traumas will also lead to your greater service of others as you heal from it?
Often, it is our very ability to experience trauma that we grow, surmount, heal and overcome. It is our past traumas that give us the ability to empathise and feel compassion. It is also our ability to feel compassion for ourselves that we can feel compassion for others.
Looking at our own healing experience with other healers, have we ever expected them to be perfect? Often, those that have helped us heal were real people warts and all. They were able to help us most likely because of their humanity and not because of their perfections.
A healer and lightworker brings light - light unto themselves so that they may hold it for themselves and radiate it into the world - to illuminate.
However, how can we bring more light if we don’t allow the cracks that permit the light to come through? How do we hold the light for ourselves if we do not allow the light to illuminate our shadows so that we can heal ourselves from it?
To be a beacon of light and to share the light, we first have to invite the light in and it is our ability to heal from our traumas that brings in the light.
Everyone needs healing. None more so than healers who are often healers precisely because of their sensitivity and empathy.
Don’t run away from the traumas or pain that made you a healer or lightworker in the first place. Rather, see it as an opportunity to bring in more light.
Darkness can only be eradicated when you feel enough to know that you need to turn on the light.
