Grace Hui for Incentre
Modern research and studies have shown that traumatic events that happen in our childhoods can have a significant impact on our adult lives. The painful experiences and relationships that were experienced as children, if unrealised and unhealed, can affect how we navigate life and our decision making as adults.
Given its potential far ranging impact, it is important for us to acknowledge this, become aware of our own unprocessed traumas and take responsibility to heal and transcend so that we do not become a prisoner of our pain but overcome so that we can become masters of our destiny
What does unhealed childhood trauma manifest as?
Childhood trauma can remain unhealed because we are perhaps unaware of just how deep an impact it has on our lives, or are unwilling to acknowledge it, or are resistant to taking responsibility for healing from it.
The effects of childhood trauma can be subtle but deep, asserting control over many facets of our lives without us even realising it. It can keep us living in fear as opposed to fully embracing life and living free as our true selves.
Do we make decisions out of fear of pain? Do we keep ourselves small because we are trying to avoid pain? Are we limiting how we live life because we are afraid of past experiences repeating? Are we forfeiting our dreams and desires because we are too scared of something we cannot even fathom?
Do we get triggered by seemingly benign statements or do we react excessively to the remarks and actions of others, some of whom we don’t even know? Are we unable to let go of seemingly small things or do we lash out disproportionately?
These may seem very illogical to the mind but yet feel very real to the individual. That’s the thing about unhealed childhood trauma – it can take such a hold of you even though it is completely illogical to the mind.
While these might be very difficult questions to ask, confront and reflect upon, they are very crucial if one is truly desirous of living a life of freedom. We need to accept the reality of our situation before we can take the actions required for us to heal.
It is important at this juncture to differentiate between victim and victimhood. What caused your initial traumas is not your fault and it is not about apportioning blame. It is important to acknowledge what happened and to have compassion for yourself. However, if we choose to remain in this state forever, without being accountable for the steps to aid our own healing, then we are, however confronting it is to hear this, choosing to remain victims – “victimhood”.
Unpopular as it might be, being in a state of “victimhood” is a choice. As an adult, we have the power to get better, to heal, to release. It will not be easy and it will require hard work. But, the perennial question remains this – do we want to be masters of our lives or do we want to be trapped by our traumas?
Do not underplay the effect our childhood experiences can have on us, be it conditioning or ingrained patterns. Yet, in the same vein, do not disregard our power to shift out of this.
Childhood trauma resides in many aspects – mental, emotional and physical. This also means that complete healing from it requires healing on many levels. After all, health is a holistic endeavour, one that encompasses balanced mental health, emotional wellbeing, physical vitality and spiritual connection.
What does unprocessed childhood trauma look like in adults?
Some experts have said that traumatised adults often display childlike tendencies when faced with something that traumatised them as children. They might be in their 40s or 50s but start acting like a 10 year old when faced with something specific.
There are many ways unprocessed childhood trauma can show up in adults. For example, someone who refuses or who seems unable to commit to long term plans or who are avoidant could be taking subconscious actions to avoid a fear of rejection which may have been fostered in childhood. However, is this avoidance lead to us missing out on deep connections which help create a meaningful life?
Another example could be when we experience irrational anger at perceived slights. Picture a road rage incident where someone flies off the handle because of someone overtaking them. Is this a trigger from childhood where someone might have felt they were bullied?
Sometimes, people hide behind a million lists and excessive organising as a means to control their lives. Perhaps in childhood, many things were outside their control and their way to regain control leads to an excessive fear of being “not in control”?
Anxiety is yet another way in which childhood trauma can manifest in adults.
Some studies have indicated that anxiety could be a way to avoid pain. Instead of facing up to the pain and accepting it for what it is, we create layers to avoid facing that pain of which anxiety plays a part in. Indeed all of the above examples indicate some forms of anxiety. It may seem like just one small thing but anxiety can pervade all aspects of our lives leading to us unable to relax and enjoy life in its fullness.
There are of course many drugs that people take to combat anxiety, including anti-anxiety medication. Recent studies have indicated that some of these drugs are addictive and end up creating other problems in the long run without going to the root of the initial issue. Often, drugs medicate the manifestation of the problem rather than tackling the root of the issue.
To be clear, I am not advocating that all medication is inappropriate. As mentioned above, comprehensive healing is multi-faceted and can look different for different people. It is important to take the right causes of action for yourself and this can be different for different people. The key to this comes from knowing thyself and exercising discernment from that point. More on that later!.
Can you heal childhood trauma without therapy?
Therapy is absolutely essential to healing from childhood therapy. Finding the right form of therapy is the key. Sometimes, it can be a combination of different therapies.
What is therapy? According to the Oxford dictionary, therapy is defined as treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder. For some, this could be medication prescribed by a practicing medical professional. For others, it could be exercising, being in nature, spending time with animals. Meditation, journalling or gardening. For some people, it could be talking therapy, be that with friends or professional therapists. In our healing journey, we could utilise a multitude of modalities.
It is important to recognise that there are many forms of therapies.
In the modern day use of the word “therapy”, we would be referring to “talk therapy” with a licensed counsellor or psychologist. For the purposes of the rest of the article, the use of the word “therapy” is used to describe this type of therapy.
Therapy is definitely a very useful tool in the toolbox for many. Finding the right therapist and being committed to the process are all crucial steps to healing. Seeking a therapist demonstrates to yourself that you are recognising that you have a trauma you need to heal from and you are seeking help for it.
Often, talking about it with a professional therapist also helps us to unlock the pain, process it and release it. This is particularly so for people who struggle to share their struggles with others.
However, because we are individuals, therapy may work differently for different people.
So the answer to this question is yes. For some people, and also depending on what the trauma is, it is possible for one to heal childhood trauma without therapy and yet, for others, it would be an essential part of their healing journey.
In choosing how best to heal, it is important to exercise discernment and to know thyself. It is also imperative to remember that for many, the healing journey will look different, utilising a multitude of modalities either consecutively or successively.
How many years does it take to heal from childhood trauma?
There is no clear cut answer to this. As mentioned in the preceding paragraphs, healing is an individual journey and will look different for different people. The healing process is also often not linear.
Healing also doesn’t mean that you suddenly become a different person. It doesn’t mean that you will not experience emotions or feelings. The difference is that when you are on a healing journey or have healed from a particular trauma, you are aware of your own negative patterns and are able to overcome it. For example, a particular trauma could have spiralled your entire day in the past whereas now, you are able to come back from it in a few hours. Or, you can mediate your discomfort and hold space for it without it taking complete control.
In other words, self-awareness.
While healing, try to look at it as a process, a journey – one that helps you to understand yourself better as opposed to a punishing goal oriented one with set deadlines.
Ultimately, no one is perfect!
As Ipsisimus Dave Lanyon of the Modern Mystery School say : we are not perfect the way we are and we are only perfect when we are trying to be perfect. In other words, it is ok not to be perfect, as long as we are always putting one foot forward and trying to be better.
Why is it so hard to overcome childhood trauma?
Well, the answer to this is as profound as it is simple. The truth of the matter is that no one likes pain. If possible, everyone would rather not have pain. Often, this leads to us attempting to run away from pain instead of facing it in order to let it go.
This is particularly so if the pain is deep, old and buried such that even though it is consuming our adult lives, it feels too difficult to bring it all back up again. Some have mentioned that they were afraid that if they let it out, it would break them apart.
Yet, this is the paradox of pain. The more we try to run away from it, the more we will suffer. As the wise before us have said – “Pain is inevitable but suffering is not”.
In facing these things, it is vital to have empathy for those around us and ultimately for ourselves.
Steps to let go of childhood trauma
Go to the pain but do not remain stuck in it. In other words. Face the pain but do not let that be what defines you. Meet your pain with compassion but recognise that what happened to you does not become your identity.
We are limitless eternal beings – far more than what happened to us.
What is Inner Child work?
Inner child work, also referred to as inner child healing, is a way to address our needs that haven't been met as children and heal the attachment wounds we have developed.
For instance, a rejection issue could have been formed when your mother was not present when you experienced pain as a little child. This then translate as a 15 year old acting out when your best friend doesn’t answer your calls which triggers and reinforces the rejection issue. As an adult, this could lead to problems at work and so on.
The goal of inner child work is to address and tend to that initial wound so that we can learn to self soothe and let go.
This could be an extremely beneficial modality for many. However, if we walk a path of progression, we can come to the profound understanding that we are far more than our inner child and to discover the “Golden Child” – the part of us that is untouched by trauma or past experiences.
The realisation that pain and trauma do not define us. We are far more than that and the reconnection to spirit is the gateway to living as the “Golden Child”.
What is the Path of Progression?
Know Thyself - that is the path of progression that all who truly choose to embrace their power in all its splendour must walk. Without truly knowing yourself, one can never truly heal themselves or others.
Truly knowing yourself is the only way we can make decisions and take actions that are based on what best serves us and what best helps us to fulfil our divine purpose in life. True power comes from the point of understanding where what best serves us and the fulfilment of our divine purpose are in full alignment.
How do we Know Ourselves and be Empowered to truly Embark on a Healing Journey?
In the Modern Mystery School, the path begins with a Life Activation. The Life Activation rebalances all of our energy bodies so that we can restore our connection with the divine. It also activates dormant DNA which reestablishes our connection with our divine blueprint.
The next part of the path is the Empower Thyself Class and Initiation. In this two-day class and initiation, your teacher will hand down rituals and teachings that will enable you to work with your own energy structure to bring down and anchor more light into your structure. This provides sharper clarity and illumination, helping you to truly see yourself, your gifts and what you need healing from and what actions you need to take. It empowers one with greater strength and courage in alignment with who we truly are.
From the perspective as a awakened person working to truly know yourself provides us with a solid framework to improve our lives. We will be able to take better decisions for ourselves, uninfluenced by the perspectives of others or the expectations of others. We will be able to clearly see that what works for someone else might not necessarily work for us and vice versa and recognise that this is perfectly ok and as it should be. After all, we all have difference purposes and different missions to fulfil.
Healing Ourselves
Once we are awakened and we see where we need to heal, we do need to take ownership for our healing. We cannot remain victims to our past. Otherwise, we will not be able to develop our psychic powers or build our spiritual muscles in any meaningful way. Awakening without taking responsibility could lead to remaining in victimhood instead of transcendence and mastery.
The Power and Support of the Lineage
Nowadays, there are many “healing” options available. How do we know which is right for us? The answer lies in the fruit. Does what you do bear fruit? Are you living in joy? Do you have mastery over your emotions and feelings? Can you recognise reality for what it is? Are you balanced or are you ruled by your own triggers and emotions? Are you moving forward or stagnating?
The Modern Mystery School is not one that imparts “new age” thinking. Rather, it imparts wisdom that is backed by a lineage that goes back for thousands of years - the lineage of King Solomon. Sacred knowledge and tools have been handed down by teacher to student in an oral tradition that has been unbroken since ancient days - Ancient hermetic teachings that predates religion with principles that are the foundations of life on earth itself. It is unswayed by whether we like it or not nor does it bend to our feelings or emotions - it just is.
It is a path of progression and a path of joy - a way to live life alive while serving ourselves others without getting dragged down. It is the key to true freedom from trauma – childhood or otherwise.
