Grace Hui for Incentre
The concept of taking care of oneself has gone mainstream these days. From going to the spa, to buying yourself the new gadget, to speaking “your truth” to setting boundaries, the term is now so widely used that it can perhaps apply to anything.
However, what does self-care actually mean?
Has it become confused with doing whatever you like because you feel like it regardless of the consequences?
Have we taken the responsibility out of self care?
An essential component to self care is responsibility
Responsibility is a very big part of exercising genuine self care. Essentially, self care is not always going to be a “feel good” event. Rather, it is a practice premised on taking the actions based on truly knowing yourself even if it may be uncomfortable or unpleasant in that moment.
What has been left off the catchy memes online is that often, self care requires us to take the necessary actions even if painful in that moment so that we will not have future suffering. In other words, self care requires us to truly get to know ourselves so that we are always taking the required steps for our progression.
For example, one may not enjoy organising their taxes and after a full week at work, it might feel like self care to simply watch TV mindlessly instead of spending an extra hour to ensure that all of our tax statements are accurately recorded and/or filed. However, not being meticulous about our tax statements will lead to needless panic and stress further down the road and in hindsight, it would have been much better to have spent that extra hour.
Genuine self care is therefore the self awareness to take the actions required to prevent future pain. Self care can often require discipline even if it is can often be marketed as “do whatever you want because you feel like it”.
This is not to say that there is no time for fun and relaxation. The key is to be responsible enough to know ourselves so that we can take the actions that will continue to serve us.
Going back to that TV over taxes example - watching TV at that moment is not self-care, it is procrastination and avoidance disguised as self care. Genuine self care would be realising that you might panic in future and as such it is better to get it done now so that we can watch TV in peace and genuine enjoyment.
So, taking care of oneself, as self care implies we do should be one exercised with responsibility. After all, we should be accountable to ourselves and what is in our highest goods to ensure that we are always genuinely looking after ourselves regardless of what our passing feelings or emotions may be.
We are not our feelings, thoughts or emotions
While our emotions may give us an indication of where we are and offer us nuggets of information on how well we know ourselves, it is imperative for us to remember that emotions are passing and change over time. If we hold on to emotions as if they are in some way a part of who we are, we are holding back our own development.
Some may believe that “I feel therefore I am”. This is a fallacy that will not serve us in the long run. More often than not, feelings do not reflect reality because feelings are coloured by our individual experiences, traumas or fears while reality is immutable, unaffected by our feelings. As Ipsissimus Dave Lanyon of the Modern Mystery School powerfully explains - if our “reality” is something that can be altered just by changing the way we think, then it wasn’t reality at all. That one can’t walk through a brick wall - that is reality because the brick wall doesn’t care what we may subjectively feel or think. It is simply there and none can walk through it no matter what we may think or feel.
The same goes for the truth. The truth is the truth. There is no such thing as “your truth”. It may be your opinion but it sure should not be confused with reality.
So, how often are we confusing reality from feelings? And, how does that impede our growth?
Most of us want to improve our lives and the whole premise behind why we exercise self care is to make our lives better, to change our current reality. But, one cannot change reality until one accepts reality for what it is. To improve our lives, we first have to accept this reality and own our parts in it. It is only with accepting reality that you can take the actions needed to change it.
It is also important to remember that while some actions serve only to make us feel better in that moment, they do not change reality for the better. Feelings ebb and flow - they do not represent who we are.
While our feelings might feel real, they do not represent reality. So, let’s be mindful of this fact and not confuse the two.
What does this mean and why is it so important?
Let’s use an example. Let’s say I need to lose weight for health reasons. I know that in order to lose weight and maintain that weight loss, I will need to change my diet and be disciplined about exercise. Yet, I hide behind a multitude of excuses ranging from I am feeling tired to it is raining. In that moment when I allow myself to hide behind that excuse, might give me momentary relief from performing a task I don’t realish but that feeling of relief is passing. I will still not have lost the weight and it would still be affecting my health. Have I exercised self care or have I simply been in avoidance while lying to myself about what self care really means?
Feelings do not alter reality for the better. Only actions. So, we owe it to ourselves to take the actions that we need to take in order to improve our reality. This is genuine self care.
Avoidance?
At times, we may run away from doing something we don’t enjoy even though deep down we know that doing that thing which we may not enjoy is exactly what we need to do. At other times, it may simply be something that we don’t like doing without any adverse consequences. So, is it avoidance or procrastination masked as self care or just something that we don’t happen to like?
How do we know the difference?
Discernment
Discernment comes from knowing oneself well enough that we are able to make decisions for each of our highest goods. In other words, any decision made will be made with full self awareness, uninfluenced by the projections of society or our own traumas.
Decisions made with discernment are made from an empowered standpoint. We would be aware of our past hurts and would have taken steps to heal them. We would be fully aware of what is our stuff and what is someone else’s issues. We would take full ownership of ourselves. In that way, any decision made will be pure and in line with who we truly are. Not with the masks of illusion whether unconscious or conscious.
This also means recognising and accepting that what works for another may not work for us and vice versa.
Discernment is the root to genuine self care.
How can we know what actions to take if we are unable to tell the difference between what is just something that we don’t enjoy and resistance from something that is actually good for us?
Knowing Thyself
The ancient mystery schools have always talked about the importance of truly knowing oneself. If we are confused between what is reality and what is an illusion, how will we know what we need to change? If we cannot see reality for what it is and accept it for what it is, how can we improve our lives? And, if we cannot improve our lives, how can we improve the state of the world?
Most of us would have experienced some form of trauma or have had bad experiences. If we do not shed light on those traumas and take ownership to heal from them, we can easily be manipulated by things around us, such as the millions of theories and opinions proliferated by technology and packaged as facts. An opinion or a theory is just that - a hypothesis built on fallible assumptions. It is not a fact! However, if we are operating under the influence of unprocessed and unehealed trauma, it is not easy to tell the difference between fact and opinion. But if we cannot tell the difference and see and accept reality for what it is, we have very little hope of making any difference. We will end up remaining stagnant or end up in a groundhog day existence of being unable to move forward.
The Modern Mystery School in the lineage of King Solomon has a set path for us to know ourselves. It is a timeless path of progression that many have walked before us. All the great masters such as Jesus the Christ, Buddha and Leonardo Da Vinci who have changed the world and whose fruits still resonate in the world we live in, have all walked this path.
In walking that path, we are able to navigate life and tell the difference between reality and illusion no matter what the circumstances are.
The Path
In the Modern Mystery School, the path of progression is laid out for any who wish to progress. It starts with something called a “Life Activation”. The Life Activation is a sacred ceremony which activates dormant DNA. Once activated, it reconnects us to our divine blueprint giving us greater clarity, bringing light into our structure to illuminate the parts of us that need healing and release.
After the Life Activation, comes the Empower Thyself Class and Initiation for those who wish to seek it. This is a two day class that hands down ancient rituals for your toolkit. These ancient tools, passed down from teacher to student in an unbroken tradition for thousands of years empower us to work with our own energy field, strengthening it, giving us a stronger sense of self. The initiation cuts through the veil of illusion and helps us to see through our own misconceptions and lies.
When we are truly able to see reality for what it is, we will be in a position to exercise self care effectively, with precision and with lasting effects that will improve our lives.
The ability to see these things in a razor sharp way is not easy. It comes with willingness, perseverance and discipline. You first have to want it and seek it. Then, you have to follow the path and stick with it. Self empowerment and knowing yourself does not always feel comfortable. It requires you to stretch and grow. It necessitates looking at past pains and facing up to past triggers in order to acknowledge, heal and release from them. With each hurdle, we then get to know ourselves better and with that, we learn to control and master our feelings so that we can release emotions without becoming enslaved by them.
There is no greater freedom than this.
