Self-Care versus Selfish

By Grace Hui for Incentre

The concept of “self-care” has become very trendy these days. From prithy quotes to catchy memes online, the message of looking after yourself has been popularised. While looking after oneself is paramount, has the idea of “self-care” gone too far? Has self-care become selfish?

What is self-care?

Self-care is about filling our cups so that we can serve others from an overflowing cup. In other words, it is very much about ensuring that we do not become depleted. How we choose to refill our cups will differ from person to person. For some, it might be taking time to meditate, while for others, it might be a dance class in the gym. It might also be a variety of these activities.

Much of the messaging on “self-care” focuses on individual needs. While this has merit in a world where we are often chasing after “goals” and ticking off checklists and where we do need to be reminded to slow down, how do we balance self-care while also being caring to those around us? 

Even as we look after our own needs, it is imperative to remember that self-care does not mean that we fixate only ourselves and what we want to the exclusion of society. 

As Ipssimus Dave Lanyon of the Modern Mystery School says, “the irresponsible can subsist because the responsible exist” After all, “you are only as strong as the weakest link-but is it not the strong that hold up the weakest link?” He goes on to ask: “Where are you in the chain and where are you capable of being?”

So folks, self-care is not an end in itself. Rather, it is a means to an end. We exercise self care, so that we can serve! While it is responsible to look after ourselves, it is also a responsibility for us to care for others even if it may inconvenience us.

Self-care does not mean selfish.

Yet, the line between the two might be very fine.

Where does self-care end and selfish begin?

How do you know when we are exercising self-care and how can we tell when we have veered into selfish territory?

The answer surely lies in truly knowing thyself. If we truly knew ourselves, we would be able to discern between when we are pouring from an overflowing cup and when we are depleting ourselves. If we could discern this for ourselves, we would be able to care for others from a place of empowerment. We would also be much more likely to have compassion and empathy for others and in so doing, be less selfish.

How do you know thyself?

With the distractions of the world, it isn’t always easy to connect with your higher self or your true essence. Information is flying at us left, right and centre while a million people with a million opinions are all assaulting your senses. How do you make that direct connection with your divine self?

In the ancient mystery schools, there is something called the path – a path that has been walked by many before us. Indeed, all the great masters have walked it, and it works!

That path is designed to bring us back to our true selves, and it begins with something called a Life Activation. 

What is a Life Activation?

Life Activation is not your usual healing session. While it does bring about a great healing, it does something a lot more sacred. The Life Activation session activates a dormant part of you that reconnects you to your divine blueprint. It brings immense light into your energy structure and reawakens you to your divine essence. 

While everyone experiences it differently, the clarity that it brings is palpable. Old stuck patterns of behaviour or negative thought spirals get released. Obstacles that once clouded your judgment get lifted – akin to finally wearing the right pair of glasses where your surroundings are suddenly razor sharp.

It is the beginning of the journey to truly knowing who you are and what you want. 

Empower Thyself and Initiation

Just like Rome was not built overnight, the journey to knowing yourself will not happen instantaneously. Like anything else, you will have to put in the effort and the work. To once more quote Ipssimus Dave: “You do not just Know Thyself one day. It takes concentrated work and effort. The whole nature of the world and universe is to direct you away from that understanding, to distract you. Knowing and understanding who you are takes courage and commitment.”

In the path, what follows a Life Activation would be the Empower Thyself Class and Initiation, which will hand down the tools for you to work with your own energy structure. The Initiation at the end of it will also bring down more light and anchor it into your energy structure.

What is Initiation?

In the ancient mystery school traditions, to ‘initiate’ means to begin a process – to start something. Initiation sets forces in motion for your metamorphosis, transformation, growth and spiritual journey. Initiation serves to ground the spiritual energies we are wielding, such as light, power and protection. These forces become anchored into our energy field so that we can readily access these energies through our mental, emotional and physical capacities to support us in our daily life choices, tasks and actions.

The handing down of knowledge that prepares one for initiation creates a template for living an empowered life, opening up the potential to master ourselves and to create the life which our higher selves truly desire. The initiation then activates this knowledge with spiritual power to support us to be in alignment with our highest and best good, to live out our purpose here on earth.

Initiation advances and catalyses the process of knowing ourselves, exposing us to our own highest purpose and the potentialities available to you in our lives.

Why is it important not to be selfish?

To bring about Shamballa, or peace on earth, we need each and everyone of us to play our part. It is all of us or none of us. We are stronger as a collective. We are much more powerful together, when we stand in unity and act in concert. 

We are also connected to one another. To help someone else, is therefore akin to helping yourself. 

We are all going to be in a position where we need help from someone else at some point. If no one wants to go out of their comfort zone to help another, humanity would perish eventually!

To quote Ipssimus Dave Lanyon again:

“When you pray who are you praying to?

When I pray to God to feed the hungry what am I doing to feed the hungry?

When I pray to God to fix the this problem, what am I doing to fix this problem?

Whatever you are asking for, you better be willing to give?”

Self-care is not about feeling good

Somewhere along the line, self-care has become some kind of airy fairy concept to feel good and happy at all times. 

However, genuine self-care is very much about doing the hard work so that we can develop and progress. It isn’t about getting stuck in an addiction to feel good. It is very much about taking ownership of our own issues and surmounting them which will often not feel very good but which will be very enriching and rewarding as we push past the pain barrier. 

Self-care is not about going shopping to buy ourselves the dress we can’t really afford so that we can reward ourselves for being stuck. It is actually quite the opposite. It is more about sitting down to work out what it is we really want and figuring out why we don’t have it and then investing time in becoming bigger than the obstacles before us. If we want that dress, we first have to ask - why do we want that dress? What stops us from having it? How can we take action so that we can have that dress. It most certainly isn’t about rushing out to max out our credit cards on a whim because “we are so worth it”.

Self-care that focuses mainly on feeling good is really a trap that keeps us stuck. It keeps us addicted to feeling good and fearing facing up to why we felt bad in the first place. 

Ignoring the plight of those around us because we have not dealt with our own traumas and pain is not self-care. It is avoidance which in turn leads to selfish behaviour.

Don’t get stuck in selfish behaviour disguised as “self-care”.

Genuine self-care is about filling your cup so that you can serve yourself and others. But we will never get there if we are attached to needing to feel good and needing to avoid so-called negativity of other people’s problems. That’s fear! Not self-care!

True self-care is about service and the root of service is to know thyself. That way, we are always overcoming our negative egos, always improving and always surmounting - and that way, we are able to care for ourselves without the exclusion of others.

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If you feel called to walk the path, you may start your first step with a simple Life Activation. Contact us at contact@incentrelondon.com to learn more.